The Loneliness of the ASHI Council Representative

Aren’t you even the least bit curious? C’mon. Just the teensiest tiny itty bit? I mean about how easy it can be to change things in ASHI? I understand, to a point. In one episode of “The Simpsons,” Marge turns to Homer and says, “You know, it’s very easy to criticize.” And Homer replies, “And it’s fun, too!”

It is fun. Cathartic, even…but after a while, you find yourself with the same old folks recounting the same old complaints, and the energy with which you started these
sporadic soliloquies wanes and slowly
devolves into a series of shared sighs. Rather depressing, isn’t it? More than that, you don’t even realize that you are so close to being able to change the things about
which you complain.

Meet the Patron Saint of the
ASHI Council of Representatives
For me, the face of the late actor Jesse White as the Maytag repairman is so
memorable. He was always waiting by the phone, ready to leap into action. But the phone never rang. Why? The Maytag company would have you believe their products are so well built they never break down or have problems. Really? Never? And every day when I was home sick from school, right during the soap operas my mother would watch (hey, any TV is better than no TV when you’re eight years old, am I right?), there he’d be: the ubiquitous image of boredom.

I identified with him then (eight-year-olds get bored a lot). And I identify with him now probably even more. There is a difference, though. My boredom now is coupled with a strong sense of frustration. Mr. White’s character never expressed disappointment in the fact that Maytag execs gave him a job they knew was never going to be needed. That poor guy sat in that chair in that office waiting for over 25 years to
fix something his bosses knew would
never need to be fixed. Understand what
I’m saying?

ASHI is not Maytag
Within chapter after chapter, the atmosphere shares the same rarefied air…that of semi-contentment. Does that sound about right to you? However, your contentment factor in ASHI can be increased with one
of the following (pick one):

a. A large amount of futile effort on
your part
b. A moderate amount of effort accompanied by cramping
c. Some effort, but will have to start voting for another political party
d. Extremely little effort akin to rolling your eyes at that annoying driver in the lavishly expensive car

The answer is, of course, “d.” I know, I know. You say, “But Jim! I’ve always heard that the answer is “a.” Ah, Grasshopper, you see the world in absolutes and do not take time for reflection. (Sorry, I just had another flashback TV moment; if you’re keeping track, this one’s from “Kung Fu.”) The answer to your collective angst is the Council of Representatives. Don’t believe me? Chew on this:

An idea came before the Council to reduce the number of Directors on the ASHI Board from 15 to 12. The idea could have come from any of you. As a result of considering the idea, consulting with the Council’s Group Leaders, putting the idea into a motion and placing the motion before the Council, that idea recently went before you in the form of a ballot. You overwhelmingly agreed with the idea and made a change to the bylaws.

You did that. What did it take to start the
process? It took a phone call, an email or a simple conversation with a member of the Council. The point is that nothing will ever change those things you complain about
unless you direct your complaint in the right direction. Our motto could be: The
Council, we’re here to hear you!

In the first Maytag repairman commercial in 1967, Jesse White introduced the new recruits to their “survival kit,” which consisted of a deck of playing cards for solitaire, a book of crossword puzzles and a beadwork project. Do me, your Council Reps and yourselves a favor—give us a ring! We are getting way too good at solitaire. Near this article you’ll find the list of Council Reps and their contact information. If you can’t reach one of them, then reach out to a Group Leader or give me a shout.

In closing, here are some phrases that can
help you remember to contact the CoR
(pay attention—you might notice some
more TV flashbacks in the form of modified advertising slogans):

• “Scratch that itch when you have a twitch. Call the Council.”
• “Won’t you help? For just one email a
  month, you can aggravate the entire
  Council for a year.”
• “Between love and madness lies the Council” (OK, you might have to give that one some time to sink in…but maybe its “fragrance” will wear on you.)
• “This is your Council. This is your brain without using the Council. Get the picture?”
• “The Council. Just Do It.”

Looking forward to hearing from you, Jim
The Lonely Speaker of the ASHI Council
of Representatives